One of the most common responses I’ve had to sharing my news is “oh okay cool, whatever mates you happy”, which is their way of expressing support and letting me know they are cool with my changes.
But the thing is this.
My transition isn’t about making me happy.
Instead It’s all about making changes to alleviate the dysphoria and a lifetime of negative thoughts about having the wrong body parts.
And it is about doing what was necessary to ensure that the rest of my life wasn’t spent dealing with the same shit … or the worse alternative.
Whilst happiness has been a byproduct of that, and I’ve had a few of the happiest weeks of my life in recent times, there have definitely been times when I’ve not been so happy. Like today, and this past week. Times when I’ve struggled and all I wanted was a hug, and for this emotional hormonal roller coaster to settle down.
Do I regret my change? Hell no! Am I happy all the time? Also no, but then again no one is.
I know this is a journey that will take 3-5 years and I’ve had decades to prepare for it.
Sorry for flooding your feed with long posts and deep thoughts, but this is really helping me process.