by Jamie | Jan 30, 2018 | blog, From Facebook, personal reflection
I’ve just come out of a 3 mth check-up with my Physician. She is delighted with my progress and happy to see that my body has responded so well.
My Testosterone levels have dropped right off to be undetectable at < 0.1 ng/mL which is less than the average female T level (normally below 0.2 ng/mL)
This would explain why my sex drive is non existent! Which to be perfectly honest is fine with me. Having male plumbing with a mind of its own just ads to my dysphoria … so yeah … I don’t mind at all the way things are currently at.
She told me that if I get to the point where I want to regain some level of sex drive then she can add back in a micro-dose of testosterone to bring it back to average female levels.
I find it so amazing that 1/4 of a tiny white pill can completely obliterate the effects of testosterone in the body, and now realise how tenuously masculinity hangs on a thread. Remove T and Men … you are only 2-3 months away from a very, VERY different human experience.
As far as my Oestrogen (Estradiol) levels go as at the time of my last blood test I was only at 225 pg/mL which is on the low side. The average for females is around 300-370. This result for me could possibly be due to the fact that the last sample was taken only one week after stepping up to a full dosage, and we are going to test again in February to see where I’m at then. Having said that, my Physician isn’t so worried as (obviously) my body is responding well to the new hormones and progressing nicely with the feminising process.
So there ya go!
by Jamie | Jan 29, 2018 | blog, From Facebook, personal reflection
I wanted to get raw and real with you today.
One of the big lessons I’m learning through my transition is to love myself. And by love myself I mean the real me, not the me in the selfies with contact lenses, makeup & wig with filters applied but this behind-closed-doors cordless drill in hand scruffy-clothes-wearing chick.
Don’t get me wrong I simply love my new look, and eventually I won’t need to wear a wig to achieve that.
I’m getting so many beautiful compliments and even had people comparing themselves to me saying they wished they could look like I do.
So I’ve chosen to share this selfie of a different kind.
This is the me without the wig or the makeup or the beautiful clothes.
This is the me that previously I’d always be critical of when looking in the mirror.
This is the me I found so hard to love in the past.
And this is the me I so desperately wanted to change.
However since starting to live my truth I’ve also found a new appreciation for me in the raw. Yes, the dysphoria about my plumbing is still there but I’m learning to love myself more no matter how I present. And today I’m having a “Dude day”.
It just occurred to me whilst listening to the song This Is Me from the soundtrack of the Greatest Showman that the words apply so well to my life since I’ve started to recognise the self love I’ve been aching for all of my life.
I also know that many friends who struggle with self confidence and body issues and so I wanted to share these lyrics, as I hope one they are able to take a few more steps down the path of self love like I have.
“I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me”
This is a powerful song, telling an equally powerful story. If you haven’t watched the movie I urge you go out and do so (even if you’re not much of a musicals fan).
Now, when people turn their back on me I’ve got the inner strength to stand proud and bless them on their journey.
Now, when people ask (again) if I’m sure I’ve made the right decision I can confidently respond by saying this was the only decision to be made.
Now, when I look in the mirror I can say to the girl looking back “hey hun, you’re beautiful and I love you! You ARE glorious”
It took a special friend to urge me to stand in front of the mirror and say this over and over until I believed it. Well hun, it worked 
😘
My life is changing for the better, and it all started with accepting and honouring my truth.
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Here are the full lyrics for the song …
“I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
‘Cause we don’t want your broken parts
I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one’ll love you as you are
But I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know that there’s a place for us
For we are glorious
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away ’cause today, I won’t let the shame sink in
We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that’s what we’ve become (yeah, that’s what we’ve become)
I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know that there’s a place for us
For we are glorious
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
This is me
and I know that I deserve your love
(Oh-oh-oh-oh) ’cause there’s nothing I’m not worthy of
(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
This is brave, this is proof
This is who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come (look out ’cause here I come)
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I’m gonna send a flood
Gonna drown them out
Oh
This is me”
by Jamie | Jan 26, 2018 | blog, From Facebook, personal reflection
One of the most common responses I’ve had to sharing my news is “oh okay cool, whatever mates you happy”, which is their way of expressing support and letting me know they are cool with my changes.
But the thing is this.
My transition isn’t about making me happy.
Instead It’s all about making changes to alleviate the dysphoria and a lifetime of negative thoughts about having the wrong body parts.
And it is about doing what was necessary to ensure that the rest of my life wasn’t spent dealing with the same shit … or the worse alternative.
Whilst happiness has been a byproduct of that, and I’ve had a few of the happiest weeks of my life in recent times, there have definitely been times when I’ve not been so happy. Like today, and this past week. Times when I’ve struggled and all I wanted was a hug, and for this emotional hormonal roller coaster to settle down.
Do I regret my change? Hell no! Am I happy all the time? Also no, but then again no one is.
I know this is a journey that will take 3-5 years and I’ve had decades to prepare for it.
Sorry for flooding your feed with long posts and deep thoughts, but this is really helping me process.
by Jamie | Jan 26, 2018 | blog, From Facebook, personal reflection
The journey of life is not always an easy one. (Duh, thanks Captain Obvious!)
As an empath one of my callings has been to be there to support those around me who are struggling.
I’ve accepted that it is in my nature to reach out to help, to take the late night calls, to provide the hugs, and sit down again and again to allow people to vent, cry, question … even when I’m facing struggles of my own. It’s just what I do.
I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside many of you as you’ve found your way out of challenging situations.
Some of you are still stuck, and I wanted to let you know I’m still here if you need me.
I’ve also had a rough journey including an abusive relationship, chronic illness and financial struggle.
So it is a combination of my life experience, professional training and experience and natural insight that has allowed me to provide guidance and support when required. I’m also a natural lateral thinker and problem solver so I can provide out of left field ideas and suggestions to potentially solve seemingly impossible circumstances.
But … sometimes I need to step back and allow people to make their own choices, despite whether or not I think that choice is right.
Life is complicated and often messy, and occasionally difficult decisions need to be made in the short term because they seem like the only option available.
But I’m not them, and I’m not living with the barrage of negative mind traffic that wears them down.
As challenging as it is to watch someone I care about struggle, I know It’s easier to be a third party observer than to be stuck in the middle of the quicksand that threatens to pull you in further with each move you make.
Those who know me well know that the space I help to create is of loving support and is completely judgement free.
For sure I’ll express my concerns and tell you how I feel, but whatever choice you make in your life I’ll be there to support you, to have your back and to throw you a rope and pull with all my might.
You’re in my life because you’re important to me and because I care about you. I’m on your side and captain of your cheer squad!
Just sayin’ 😘
by Jamie | Jan 24, 2018 | blog, From Facebook, personal reflection
During my Facebook self-exile I’ve had time to think, and time to process all the new and wonderful and challenging things in my life.
I’ve found myself dwelling on the question “What if …” in relation to where I’m at and where I’m headed as well as in relation to the people around me I care about.
There are some people in my world who are riding a wave, who can’t seem to put a foot wrong.
And there are other people in my world who feel trapped, fearful, afraid to dream, and as a result are not able to reach for their dreams.
If you feel trapped then this message is for you, because I can relate … I’ve been there, and I was stuck there for a long time.
I want you to take a moment, and read through this list of questions and then close your eyes and give yourself permission to question your current situation … and dare to imagine a better life.
What if ..
What if everything you’re going through at the moment is preparing you for a dream bigger than you can imagine?
What if the fears you allow to run untethered through your mind are not predictors of your future reality, but just the primitive parts of your brain trying to keep you from playing big, trying in their own misguided way to keep you “safe”?
What if your past actually didn’t determine what amazingness your future holds?
What if that person you really liked actually really liked you back?
What if your challenging financial situation could be turned around in a reasonably short period of time with a series of focussed decisions and actions?
What if the new people coming in to your life brought about a whole new beautiful change of direction for you?
What if you were able to lift your eyes up from looking at the current challenges for long enough that you caught a vision for how your life will improve and where you’ll be in 12 months from now?
What if you were able to relax enough to release your fears and dream, I mean really dream about the amazing things you will achieve? You know, those things you already have the capacity inside of you to achieve!
What if the beliefs you hold about your connection with the universe actually worked, and you were able to manifest a truely extraordinary future for you and your family?
What if you were able to see beyond the excess kgs, the stretch marks, and the wrinkles, and see the truly beautiful human that you really are?
What if you had the ability to release the fear of other peoples’ opinions of you, and be completely free from their judgement and negativity?
What if you stopped focussing on trying to change yourself, and instead focus on finding yourself?
What if you were courageous enough to live your truth – not the truth that others are telling you they want for your life but that brutally honest authentic truth that wells up from the deepest most extraordinary depths of your spirit?
What if you were able to forgive that person so you are no longer energetically tied to them, and you were able to finally … FINALLY … move on with your life?
What if you forgave yourself?
What if you were able to love without fear?
What if you truely learned to love yourself?
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The big lesson I learned when I had my epiphany last August was that I already have the ability in me to do all these things.
You have everything you need within you to do live each and every one of those What Ifs
By stepping in to my truth and having the courage to acknowledge who I really was …
… I became free, in a way that has been beautiful and extraordinary and unlike anything I imagined was ever possible for my life.
My dream for you is that you are able to step out of your fear and into your own truth … your “what if” 
💕
by Jamie | Jan 17, 2018 | blog, From Facebook
I’m finding it hard to believe that I’m three months in to my journey already. Well … technically my life journey has lasted almost 44 years so far, but the journey of the new me started exactly three months ago today.
It has been a day of mixed feelings. I wanted to celebrate but found myself emotional – sad, lonely, moody.
I figured I wouldn’t be much fun to hang with tonight so gave up on the idea of finding company and headed down to a pub with a view, ordered a vodka and dinner and set about collecting my thoughts.
So much has happened in the past three months and I know so many of you have been following my posts and blog that I won’t recap here.
Instead what I wanted to let you know is that from tomorrow I’ll be taking a break from social media for a while. I feel that is important for me to take some time-out to process and allow these changes to settle in after an emotionally exhilarating 12 weeks.
What would be amazing is that if you’re in Adelaide and you have my mobile number, please reach out.
I’d love to connect/reconnect and spend some quality time with you. Please understand that in the short term while I adjust to the changes happening I’m unlikely to reach out to you.
If you’re in my world you are here for a reason, and I want to invest time and energy into developing our offline connection. I have a feeling I’ll need to lean on you a bit in the next few weeks and appreciate forthcoming offers to be there for me.
To everyone else, rock on! Keep being your beautiful awesome selves and do your best to kick the crap out of your 2018 goals.
I’ll see you all again soon 💕
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