During my Facebook self-exile I’ve had time to think, and time to process all the new and wonderful and challenging things in my life.
I’ve found myself dwelling on the question “What if …” in relation to where I’m at and where I’m headed as well as in relation to the people around me I care about.
There are some people in my world who are riding a wave, who can’t seem to put a foot wrong.
And there are other people in my world who feel trapped, fearful, afraid to dream, and as a result are not able to reach for their dreams.
If you feel trapped then this message is for you, because I can relate … I’ve been there, and I was stuck there for a long time.
I want you to take a moment, and read through this list of questions and then close your eyes and give yourself permission to question your current situation … and dare to imagine a better life.
What if ..
What if everything you’re going through at the moment is preparing you for a dream bigger than you can imagine?
What if the fears you allow to run untethered through your mind are not predictors of your future reality, but just the primitive parts of your brain trying to keep you from playing big, trying in their own misguided way to keep you “safe”?
What if your past actually didn’t determine what amazingness your future holds?
What if that person you really liked actually really liked you back?
What if your challenging financial situation could be turned around in a reasonably short period of time with a series of focussed decisions and actions?
What if the new people coming in to your life brought about a whole new beautiful change of direction for you?
What if you were able to lift your eyes up from looking at the current challenges for long enough that you caught a vision for how your life will improve and where you’ll be in 12 months from now?
What if you were able to relax enough to release your fears and dream, I mean really dream about the amazing things you will achieve? You know, those things you already have the capacity inside of you to achieve!
What if the beliefs you hold about your connection with the universe actually worked, and you were able to manifest a truely extraordinary future for you and your family?
What if you were able to see beyond the excess kgs, the stretch marks, and the wrinkles, and see the truly beautiful human that you really are?
What if you had the ability to release the fear of other peoples’ opinions of you, and be completely free from their judgement and negativity?
What if you stopped focussing on trying to change yourself, and instead focus on finding yourself?
What if you were courageous enough to live your truth – not the truth that others are telling you they want for your life but that brutally honest authentic truth that wells up from the deepest most extraordinary depths of your spirit?
What if you were able to forgive that person so you are no longer energetically tied to them, and you were able to finally … FINALLY … move on with your life?
What if you forgave yourself?
What if you were able to love without fear?
What if you truely learned to love yourself?
The big lesson I learned when I had my epiphany last August was that I already have the ability in me to do all these things.
You have everything you need within you to do live each and every one of those What Ifs
By stepping in to my truth and having the courage to acknowledge who I really was …
… I became free, in a way that has been beautiful and extraordinary and unlike anything I imagined was ever possible for my life.
My dream for you is that you are able to step out of your fear and into your own truth … your “what if” 💕
I’m finding it hard to believe that I’m three months in to my journey already. Well … technically my life journey has lasted almost 44 years so far, but the journey of the new me started exactly three months ago today.
It has been a day of mixed feelings. I wanted to celebrate but found myself emotional – sad, lonely, moody.
I figured I wouldn’t be much fun to hang with tonight so gave up on the idea of finding company and headed down to a pub with a view, ordered a vodka and dinner and set about collecting my thoughts.
So much has happened in the past three months and I know so many of you have been following my posts and blog that I won’t recap here.
Instead what I wanted to let you know is that from tomorrow I’ll be taking a break from social media for a while. I feel that is important for me to take some time-out to process and allow these changes to settle in after an emotionally exhilarating 12 weeks.
What would be amazing is that if you’re in Adelaide and you have my mobile number, please reach out.
I’d love to connect/reconnect and spend some quality time with you. Please understand that in the short term while I adjust to the changes happening I’m unlikely to reach out to you.
If you’re in my world you are here for a reason, and I want to invest time and energy into developing our offline connection. I have a feeling I’ll need to lean on you a bit in the next few weeks and appreciate forthcoming offers to be there for me.
To everyone else, rock on! Keep being your beautiful awesome selves and do your best to kick the crap out of your 2018 goals.
I’ll see you all again soon 💕
This morning I cried. Yep, my eyes started leaking and my mascara ran.
This is a big deal for me as for years I’ve described myself as being emotionally bankrupt. The stress and trauma of a destructive relationship, burn out, chronic fatigue, chronic stress and years on anti-depressants left me in a state of being emotionally flatlined.
But that is changing. And I’d like to think that the hormones I’m on have something to do with that. Stupid, amazing, wonderful hormones are making me feel and cry again.
A few weeks ago I started tearing up in a movie (my first viewing of The Greatest Showman) during a scene that was particularly relevant to me. I was deeply moved and that has not happened for a long, long time.
People cautioned me that HRT would cause an emotional roller coaster for the first 6-12 months. Whilst I haven’t experienced anything as dramatic as that it is lovely to start feeling distinct and diverse emotions again.
I know I’ve mentioned it before but I have so many good feels about the overwhelming support from people who have reached out to me over recent times.
I’ve also been acutely aware of important people in my life who haven’t made contact or responded to the individual message I sent them sharing my news.
I realise that this is such a monumental shift in my life that has taken many by surprise, and for some people it is going to take a little time to get used to.
This was highlighted to me this morning when a friend from the USA reached out apologising for not messaging earlier. They said it was just taking some time for them to process the news.
I completely understand that.
Some of the people closest to me still say “this is going to take some getting used to” each time i see them.
And that’s okay too. It is a big change for me also, even though it is hands down the best thing I’ve done in my life.
For those of you who perhaps haven’t reached out or responded I’m imagining the reason is probably due to one of the following:
- you are finding it all a bit weird and just don’t know what to write in a message to me
- you’re completely cool with it, that nothing has changed as far as you’re concerned and you felt no need to specifically write a response
- We used to enjoy a friendship but you’ve since moved on and didn’t feel the need to touch on this issue
- you really don’t know me at all, and as such what happens in my life is inconsequential to you
- in the busyness of life and Facebook you may simply have not seen my message
Wherever you’re at is okay, and I won’t take it personally.
If you have wanted to reach out but just weren’t sure what to write I encourage you to simply open conversation in messenger by saying hi, and we can take it from there 🙂
For everyone else who has been so amazing in their support I wanted to discuss a couple of things and answer questions some people have asked me
I’m transgender, which means I identify differently to the gender I was assigned at birth. It has nothing to do with my chromosomes or what is between my legs.
The best thing for me about accepting this and deciding to transition is that I get to finally be me.
The gender dysphoria science is really interesting and proves that being transgender is not just something people make up. In my case it is has always felt like my I had a brain that didn’t match my body … which is a simple concept when you think about it. I find it easier to think in terms of being born with a feminine brain and a masculine body.
Whereas in the past I played the male role because that was what i believed I had to do, the recent acceptance of my feminine identify has allowed me to be truely free.
To deny that transgender people exist (for whatever reason) is like denying the sky is blue. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but it doesn’t change the fact that WE ARE REAL and that gender dysphoria is a real thing
I have been very surprised at just how many people in my world already have transgender people in their lives. Each time someone has told me about a trans friend, or family member I have been greatly encouraged. I mean, I knew that I wasn’t the only one as trans issues are being discussed more these days thanks to high profile women like Caitlyn Jenner and Laverne Cox. But to learn that there are a number of transgender individuals in my world has been a revelation.
I’ve also been surprised at the number of friends who have reached out and confided in me that they have also struggled with gender dysphoria, and it is humbling to me that my story has inspired them to more confidently assess where they are at in life.
In conclusion (for this post anyway) I realise that some of these concepts are new for some people and that my transition is going to take some time to get used to.
As always, my inbox is open and I’m always happy to answer questions.
Just like the question from my nephew yesterday (Master 7) who wanted to know if I would have to wear a grey wig when I’m 90 😜